Life in the Doritos Age

Last updated 03.24.21

This is a collection of skits and ideas that I have come up with but never bothered to finish or publish them anywhere until now. If you steal any of these you owe me $5,000.

Reader discretion is advised.

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[Local News] [Vicious Cycle] [Shool Scooting]

Local News

News anchors announce the next segment in which a reporter is at some sort of local community bike race. It is a charity event of sorts, with a portion of the proceeds going to the children without thumbs foundation. There, the reporter interviews a participant.

The interviewee's cycling uniform contains certain branding, yet he makes no mention of the sponsorship. Instead, the reporter and interview exchange typical answers and responses. Meanwhile the camera will cut to overhead views of the race and other events taking place. Every time it cuts back to the reporter and interviewee, another object will have the branding on it, the bike, the reporter's mike, etc. A random individual passes by in front of the camera wielding a branded shirt. Near the end of the interview the interviewee drops something, leans over to pick it up, exposing the top of his head to the camera, revealing the branding shaved into his hair. They sign off and turn it back to the news anchors, which are now covered in branded merchandise, yet act as if all were normal.

Vicious cycle

A random person starts coughing all of a sudden, as if they were choking. They finally spit something out. It is an ad for cough syrup.

Shool Scooting

Jan 5th, 2018: A deadly shooting happened recently a local high school. Some students are being interviewed as part of a documentary on the rising number of mass shootings. Here is an excerpt from one interview.

Reporter: What were you doing prior to the shooting?

Student: Yuh know, we were just flexin' (does dab) on this bitch when all of a sudden we hear some nigga popping caps and screaming and shit.

Reporter: What was your initial reaction to the shooter?

Student: I was like, damn this nigga needs a chill pill. Or at least some good ganja.

Reporter: What were your classmates' reactions to the shooter?

Student: Most of the students got on their phones on snapchat and posted shit like "My schools being shot up LMAO." I woulda done it too but the teacher took my phone away.

Reporter: Then what happened?

Then we heard him come closer so I was like "Nah, fuck this shit I'm OUT" so we tried to leave but the fat bitch teacher lady wouldn't let us out in the hallways and said we needed to keep quiet so the shooter wouldn't hear us. But the fat bitch was so damn loud when she walked that the shooter found the room and shot right through the damn door and into her fat ass body. We jumped out the fucking window like real niggas, got in Andrew's car and went to 7-11.

Reporter: Do you feel shaken by the fact that you witnessed your teacher get fatally shot?

Student: Nah, fat bitch deserved to die.

[End of exerpt]

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